Linc Training Videos

Linc has been improving on the items he will retrieve. Very proud!

Lincoln performs a set of tasks every evening or when I am suffering from sensory overload or a migraine.  Here is a video of him pushing open a door, pushing the door closed and tugging a door shut also.

Updated Service Dog in Training Costs

Lincoln: $1000

BLD Basic Harness: $307 (previous price with 10% off sale)

BLD Vest: $50

BLD Patch: $10

BLD Flat Collar: $35

BLD 6ft 8 Way Leash: $46

Leather Leashes: $59.60

Prong Collar: $17

Puppy Flat Collar: $12

Kong Flat Collar: $10

Dog Tag: $15

Holt: $20

Newtrix: $35

Mesh Vest: $15

Medium Vest: $20

Large Vest: $20

Custom Vest: $50

Do Not Pet Patch: $10

SD Training Patches: $20

Upstairs Crate: $75

Bedtime Crate: $75

Condo Crate: $60

Bed: $43

Bed: $27

Training Treats: $400

Supplements: $38

Insurance: $638 (2 years)

STAR Puppy: $80

Obed. 2: $80

CGC/Intermediate: $80

CGCA/Advanced: $80

Novice Obed: $85

Agility Classes: $310

Food: $1400

Toys: $300

Dog Tags: $30

AKC Registration: $35

Prof. Grooming: $500

Shampoo: $40

Vasectomy: $490

Ruffwear Booties: $43

Paws Booties: $15

Ruffwear Coat: $45

Dog Park Tag: $34

OFA Prelims: $398

CGC/CGCA Titles: $40

Vet Costs: $900

MDR1 Test: $70

Missing a few things.

Total: $8,461.60

We are not a Walking Petting Zoo

They see his fur first, then they see his face.
The awkward smiles start.  The "ooos" and "aws" follow.
Then they begin to speak to him in a higher pitched voice. Parents point him out to their uninterested children by pointing and saying "Look at the doggie!" As if they had never seen a dog before.
Some even try to pet him without asking.
Then you have the individuals who scream (literally) when they see him.
None of them really notice the individual on the other end of the leash.
I hold my hand up and say, "Please don't.  He's working." They suddenly notice me and give me a look of shock, disdain or repulsion. Some even become combative because I don't want them speaking to or petting my service dog.

This is a normal day in the life of a service dog handler.  People will randomly come to you and try to interact with your dog.  They unknowingly or don't care that by distracting the dog, they are putting the handler in immediate danger.  If you see a service dog team in a public place, they are most likely there for the same reason as you.  Service dog handlers do not a lot the extra time that is needed to allow everyone to say hello to their dog.  Many of us just want to get what we need done and go on with our day.

Service dogs are legally medical equipment under federal and state laws.  A service dog goes through 1.5-2.5 years of intense and specific training in order to mitigate their handlers disability.  You must be disabled in order to utilize a service dog.  In many states, they fall under the white cane law.  While they are an optional piece of medical equipment, they are helpful in some cases. Emotional support animals and therapy dogs ARE NOT service dogs and are not covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act.  And no matter how much you pay for an ID or vest on a website, it does not make your animal a service animal!

Service dogs are medical equipment when they are working.  They need to pay attention to their handler and be able to perform the tasks they have been trained to.  Tasks are based on the handlers needs, not wants.  Legitimate tasks include opening and closing doors/cabinets, retrieving dropped or named items, guide work, pulling a wheelchair, blood glucose changes detection, deep pressure therapy, etc. "Just being there" and "cuddles/comfort" and tethering a child to a dog are not tasks.  Service dogs must be proficient in advanced obedience, public access training and task training.  These dogs cost thousands of dollars to train and maintain.  They range from $10,000-50,000. Even owner training is expensive.  I have about $25,000 in my current service dog and $9,000 in my service dog in training.

These dogs are not pets under the law.  They do get to enjoy life and have time off.  Many handlers participate in extracurricular activities such as obedience competitions, agility (there are many videos of handlers in wheelchairs participating in this port), rally-o, etc.  Service dogs must be in tip top shape when working.  They must be clean and healthy.  It is frowned upon in the service dog community to work a dog with a disability of their own.  Service dogs rely heavily on their senses (sight, hearing, smell and at times touch) in order to work and assist their handlers appropriately.  So, when you distract a service dog, they are no longer able to perform the tasks they need to.

So next time you see a service dog team, please do not make any sounds towards the dog and handler and do not try to pet a working dog.  It is rude and very dangerous for the handler if you do.  You should also never touch an animal you don't personally know or don't have permission to touch. We are not a walking petting zoo.  Please respect us as a team and allow us to go on with our day.

http://www.ada.gov/regs2010/service_animal_qa.html
http://www.ada.gov/service_animals_2010.htm
http://www.servicedogcentral.org/content/

Inspiration Porn Is Horrific

Inspiration porn is the term used for stories that discuss things non-disabled individuals do for disabled individuals and see as "special" because the recipient is disabled.  It is basically to make the non-disabled community feel good about how they treat the disabled.  These stories usually contain a disabled individual who was (through one of many ways) "included" in something "normal individuals" get to participate in.  Whether it's a dance, or the story of the sports team that let a disabled individual make a score or the woman at a Meijer grocery store who accepted a poorly designed cake from an autistic employee.  The stories are supposed to be about how the community has "accepted" the individual, when they are actually singling them out for their own emotional gain. These stories come to light on social media and are called "inspiring."

These stories are not inspiring to individuals who actually have disabilities.  These stories feel more like pity.  We must pity the disabled individual and try and include them because they can't direct themselves properly through life.  This is a very close minded view.  It's like being told to automatically help an individual in a wheelchair when they haven't asked for that help.  Many individuals in wheelchairs I have met are very frustrated with how people treat them.  They automatically assume the individual can't do anything and need help. Well, the ones I know are extremely independent and strong willed.  They have worked hard to not be dependent and prefer to be left alone.

Inspiration porn is a disgusting act that makes disabled individuals look incompetent and needy.

The recent post of the woman accepting a poorly decorated cake by an autistic employee is a massive punch in the stomach for me.  There are so many things wrong with the story.  The employee did something she was not supposed to do, which is wrong.  She could have called an employee who is allowed to decorate cakes to come and perform the task.  Next, the employees at the cash register told them customer the other employees diagnosis without her knowledge.  This is extremely bad as legally, the employer isn't allowed to ask what an employees disability or medical condition is unless it disrupts the employees work.  Then, the employer must request a written statement from the employees physician and give acceptable accommodation.  The employer has no right to disclose the employees diagnosis to anyone, unless with the permission of the employee.  So, the employees going out of their way to disclose the fellow employees diagnosis without her knowledge or permission is extremely wrong and should be disciplined for the action.

The other issue I have with this story is that the individual who is the subject of the story was not allowed to give her side.  She was seen as an object basically.  The only defining element besides being female, was being autistic.  While autism effects every aspect of us, it is not the only part of us.  I do call myself an autistic as it is such an integral part of my life, but it should not be the only thing that defines me.  I have many other qualities and would prefer those to be seen as well and even held higher than my autism.

We are disabled, but we are not defined by our disabilities.  Only the individual is allowed to make them self defined by their disability, no one else.  Stop seeing the disabled as something to pity or something to be inspired by.  It is NOT inspirational to want to live.  The desire to live is a natural instinct that is connected to the fight or flight response. Doing something you want or need to do is not inspirational either. Everyone is allowed to choose what they do.  We are allowed to have interests and do what we want without it being "inspirational." We are not a spectacle, we are not something to be pitied and we are definitely not something to call inspirational.  We are human and we are living our lives how we want to, with or without a disability.

You Don't Look Autistic

This is a common statement I hear if I ever tell someone my diagnosis. I use a service dog for my autism and my severe migraines and I am currently training his successor.  So, people are always curious as to why someone who can walk, speak and seems perfectly "fine," uses a service dog.  Most people assume I am training them for someone else in more "need." While it is no ones business, it is a common question.

Service dogs are trained to mitigate multiple different disabilities.  Many are visible and many are invisible.  Having one or the other or even both does not make us any less disabled. Just because you can't see my autism, does not make me not disabled.  My neurological conditions do not have a "look."  Autism does not have a specific "look." It does not usually affect the individuals physical features like other conditions such as Down Syndrome, Williams or Waardenburg Syndrome.  Autism can have physical manifestations such as motor skill delays and balance issues.  I personally have balance and gastric issues connected to my autism.  But, even these are not "visible" to the untrained individual.

Autism is a part of everything I do.  It is a part of me.  I don't come with a side of autism and cannot turn it on and off at will.  Autism partially makes me who I am, but that doesn't mean I should be singled out or treated differently. And I honestly prefer to be treated as everyone else.  Is this too much to ask? Apparently, in the United States, it is quite a bit to ask for.  There are autism stigmas everywhere.  Even the new Sesame Street character Julia empowers the stereotypes and stigma about how autistics should act.  We are all individuals and cannot be stuffed into a tiny box of absolutes.  We should be treated as individuals and respected as such.

The stigmas hurt us more than they help us.  Every fellow autistic I know and have come into contact with wants to be an individual. They also have very strong voices of their own and they want to be heard.  Does this mean every autistic is like this? No, but the adult ones I have met are.

So, the moral of this post is basically to think before responding to someones diagnosis.  Saying something like "You don't look autistic" is rude and assuming.  Don't put us in a small box.  It isn't easy for many of us to open up to people.  Please don't make our lives harder with assumptions.  Let us spread our wings and be ourselves.

Life Continues

As no one can make the world stop rotating, life continues and goes on.  So, on instagram, I posted the photo below of what Lincoln carries in his vest.  He currently carries a para cord tug, foldable water bowl from Bold Lead Designs, potty bags, an in depth ICE (in case of emergency) paper, an ID card with his name and more basic ICE info, ADA law card, a sumatriptan shot and some generic Maxalt pills.  Both the shot and pills are my emergency medication.  Amazingly, while it sounds like a lot, it isn't that much when you photograph it.

So, my new insurance is awesome and my sumatriptan shots (which I haven't gotten in 2 years because they were $70/each) are now $19/4 shots.  Quite an amazing thing.  Yes, they are generic, but does that really matter?  They work!

 My two dogs, Mac, my service dog for the past 6 years and Linc, my service dog in training, are my constant companions and a huge part of my support system.  They help me in ways no human is able to and perform tasks that no human would.  My dogs are my life and they are one of my main reasons for waking up every morning.  Lincoln is advancing in his training.  We restarted working on retrieves after a 2 month hiatus due to his teen phase.  Linc would retrieve an item, then throw it around to play.  He is finally moving through that obnoxious phase, so we can move on with his training. 

Another part of his training included going to a zoo for the first time. Lincoln and I went to the Madison Zoo for two hours today. There, the lioness wanted to kill him, the alpacas and Somali wild asses didn't know what to make of him and one of the giraffes followed us around in its pen. Then one of the polar bears wanted to pounce on Linc like a seal under the ice. The lioness scared him, but we left that enclosure and he calmed down. Went back over an hour later and he was fine. He never barked, whined or growled at any animals. He was most curious about the herd animals, but stayed in check. While his fear reaction to the lioness going at the glass was not ideal, he recovered and we will be working on that.

My main support system is my parents. My mom especially is my main supporter. She was the one who pushed me to find a psychologist and to finally get a diagnosis that made sense. She is also the one who would pick me up quite a lot when I was in school and was a huge support when I was in college. Both if my parents have been huge supports the past few years after I moved home to go back to school and deal with my conditions. 

Here is a glamor shot of Lincoln I took a few weeks ago after bathing, trimming, brushing and drying him.  He wasn't thrilled.

 And this is where I am about to head, to bed. 

ONLY AUTISTICS CAN SPEAK FOR AUTISTICS!!

Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that effects various aspects of social, verbal, behavioral and mental behavior.  It is not a mental illness and cannot be "cured" with various drugs.  Autism effects how the brain works.  It is neurological.  You can study the condition out of a book or by being around autistics, but that does not mean you will fully understand the condition.  Neurotypicals (non autistics) should NEVER claim they speak for autistics.  We can speak for ourselves and are quire capable of doing so.  No neurotypical will ever understand what it is like to live in our brains, just like how we will never understand what it is like to live in a neurotypical brain.  We are unique and we accept that.  No specialist can tell you exactly how we are, because they have no idea.  They don't understand how our brains actually work.  No one but autistics can speak for autistics!!!  We think in images, our thoughts are very fast and can at times become jumbled.  Yes, we obsess over certain subjects, but that is because those subjects bring us comfort and a sense of familiarity.  If you couldn't tell, my main special interest is anaimals, specifically canines.

We stim at times, it's perfectly normal and helps calm us down, concentrate or even fall asleep.  I stimmed by rocking back and forth in bed every night until I went to college.  Trying to rock back and forth on a college loft didn't work and felt very strange, so I found other things to do to obtain the same comfort.  We are not screwed up, we are normal to other autistics and there is a silent sense of acceptance and camaraderie.

We don't need to vocalize everything, it can be annoying and waste energy.  Socializing with others can be very taxing on us and cause us to need alone time to recharge and be able to handle more social situations.  We don't tend to be fond of personal interactions.  This is why the computer and the Internet is so wonderful.  We can easily socialize without the massive energy drain and anxiety issues of being face to face.  I'm personally not fond of speaking on the phone or texting, never have been.  I would rather talk to someone in a messenger online than by using my iphone.

DON'T RANDOMLY TOUCH PEOPLE!  It's creepy!! This I will vocalize.  I am very sensitive to human touch.  I only allow it on MY TERMS.  Even with my family, it is based on me, not them wanting to be tactile and touchy, feely.  You shouldn't just randomly touch strangers!

Yeah, I may come off as strange, aloof and obsessed with dogs, canine nutrition, etc, but hey, that's just me.  Yeah, I will probably be sweating profusely if we meet and talk some, I have social anxiety issues and always have.  I highly prefer to dodge in person social interactions.  I'm not being rude, I just have issues handling them.  I have to recharge for about 2-3 hours for every hour I am "social" or around people or even in public.

Alright, thank you, my rant is over.  Good night random people reading this.

Oh and the sphenocath failed, my migraines are becoming more common and more severe.

My Autism

• I have never been a tactile individual. 
• I was non verbal until around the age of 3. 
• I had speech therapy as a child.
• New York labeled me as a disabled child before I was 3.
• New York provided a speech therapist for me.
• I grew up in Illinois.
• I was placed in a special needs preschool class before being main streamed.
• My mom would drop a pan in the kitchen and I never turned around.
• I have always had special interests that I can talk about for hours.
• I have always had social issues.
• Girls weren't really diagnosed with autism back when I was a child.
• I stimmed by rocking in my bed until I went off to college at almost 19.
• I stim by driving in my car in the same areas and roads.
• I used to stim by rocking back and forth as a child.
• I still stim in certain ways with my hands and feet.
• I was misdiagnosed most of my life with depression, ADD and anxiety.
• I have some balance issues.
• I am extremely sensitive to heat.
• I am very sensitive to touch.
• I am very sensitive to certain textures in food, clothing and temperatures.
• My upper body, arms, face and neck are the most sensitive.
• I am not sick.
• I do not need a cure.
• While I think differently, I am a human and am fine.

Happy Autism Awareness Month!!

Let's Talk Costs

Owner training a service dog is not necessarily cheaper than some program trained dogs.  My program trained dog was going to be $6,000.00. Her cost included all training, basic & advanced obedience, public access training and task training, equipment (including a BLD harness), vet costs, crate, bed, food eaten during training, etc.  That is a great bargain if you think about it.  But, now that I am owner training again, I have decided to keep track of all of Lincoln's costs and so far here they are:

• Lincoln: $1000
• BLD Basic Harness: $307 (previous price with 10% off sale)
• BLD Collar: $35
• Leather Leashes: $59.60
• Prong Collar: $17
• Puppy Flat Collar: $12
• Kong Flat Collar: $10
• Holt: $20
• Mesh Vest: $15
• Medium Vest: $20
• Large Vest: $20
• Custom Vest: $50
• Do Not Pet Patch: $10
• SD Training Patches: $20
• Upstairs Crate: $75
• Bedtime Crate: $75
• Condo Crate: $60
• Bed: $43
• Bed: $27
• Training Treats: $200
• Supplements: $38
• Insurance: $319
• STAR Puppy: $80
• Obed. 2: $80
• CGC/Intermediate: $80
• CGCA/Advanced: $80
• Novice Obed: $85
• Agility Classes: $310
• Food: $700
• Shampoo: $23
• Ruffwear Booties: $43 
• Ruffwear Coat: $45
• Vet Costs: $550.25
• MDR1 Test: $70

Cost So Far at 10.5 months old: $4613.85

Still think it's cheap to owner train your service dog?  I didn't include toys because we had toys from having the other dogs, so he mainly plays with those. We purchased a few toys for him, but nothing extremely pricey. I have also found over the years that if you try to cut costs by buying the cheaper version of things, you tend to go through several of them.  In the end, it can be much more cost effective to purchase the better made item.

Bold Lead Designs Basic Harness

Lincoln's Bold Lead Designs Basic Harness arrived Monday and I fitted it to his body.  He has plenty of room to grow.  I will not be training any sort of mobility training until he is 18 months old.  He will be neutered next month and will have his hip and elbow prelims done at the same time.  

I have been slowly acclimating him to the harness.  An hour here, thirty minutes there, very slowly.  This was our first outing to go and get two more cichlids for my aquarium.  He did well and ignored the bld for the most part.

 Thursday night was this months kennel club meeting.  He did very well.  I sat next to our groomer and her poodle/irsh setter mix.  Natalie couldn't believe how calm Linc is in his training gear.

For now, Linc will continue acclimating to his new harness and then we will begin training guide tasks such as finding the exit to a room or building, finding and guiding me to my car and finally, finding and guiding me to help.

Taking One Thing at a Time

Before I talk about how Lincoln's training is going, I have some good news! My sphenocath/peripheral nerve block has been scheduled for March 11th! We will see if this helps my chronic migraines.  This winter has been horrible with all of the constant atmospheric pressure changes.  My asthma has also come back with the frigid temperatures.  I love winter, but I do not love my asthma returning.

Training a service dog takes time, energy, focus, money and dedication.  While Linc and I have been working on basically the same four commands, I have been adding in new challenges or using two of them together. Linc has retrieved a sock for me before, but I wanted to see if he would "tug" one off of my foot. He did it perfectly.

Next, I wanted to add in the "give" command and give me the sock after grabbing and tugging it off.  So, with this command, I have used three of the task commands we have been working on: "grab it" "tug" and "give."

Lincoln and I have also been working on various objects of various sizes and materials.

Here is a video of Linc retrieving four different objects, one right after the other. I am very proud of Linc for accomplishing this!

Lincs new training vest finally arrived.  I LOVE it! It is very visible in all types of weather and is reflective at night to car headlights.  I prefer to get vests in more of a "neon" color because they tend to be reflective on their own.

 The top of the vest.  As you can see, it says do not pet or talk to all over. =)

 Lincoln tucked under the booth while at lunch with my mom the other day.

 This sign should be on every grocery store, restaurant, etc place.  Pets are not acceptable in non pet stores.  I have had untrained fake dogs go after Mac and I can't have either of my dogs, whether my full sd or my sdit hurt.  It would be devastating! 

"Tug" Command and Retrieval

This command started with "grab it," then I added in the word "tug."  I would give the command "grab it tug."  So this way, he knew to grab it and I showed him to open the cabinet.  I would click and treat if he opened it slightly, then he started opening it more and I would click and treat. Eventually I dropped the "grab it" and it just became the command "tug." Still needs work, but he is getting the concept. Lincoln loves to play tug o war, which is an advantage.

Opening a cabinet door.

Opening a heavy drawer.

Retrieving my moms shoe. This command also started as "grab it." We worked on the grab it command and then I started having him retrieve various items.  He has a very strong retrieval instinct and I just honed that.  This is where he are right now.  I use the "give" command also when he brings me his toys.  He must give them to me before I will throw them or play tug o war with him.  He also loves to tug.  

Cleaning the Kombucha

My kombucha has been left alone for a while ever since Gwen became ill.  While I did remove most of the vinegar and added fresh sweet tea, but this caused the yeast to build up.  I figured it was time to completely clean 2/4 of the containers and let it rebrew.  Below is my scoby hotel before cleaning.

While cleaning my scoby hotel.  I have quite a few scobies!

Completely cleaned and in fresh sweet tea.

 Below is my 2 gallon "mothership" kombucha continuous brew container after I removed my mothership scoby and scrubbed out the container.

 My mothership scoby after being cleaned and placed in fresh sweet tea.  This scoby is my largest and pride and joy.  I will be checking this brew in a week to see if it is ready for 2nd fermentation.  When you have such a large scoby, your kombucha brews much faster. 

Here is my mothership scoby below.  This scoby has been growing continuously for about 8 months.  

Below is my current kombucha set up.  From left to right: oolong tea kombucha, rooibos/black tea kombucha and my basic black tea kombucha.  My scoby hotel is on the second level.

And I am currently growing a few more smaller scobies to sell in my Etsy shop to help towards Lincs service dog equipment.

Continued Service Dog Training

Mac, Linc and I went to see the Hobbit (3) again. I wanted to see how having both with me would be. I also figured the Hobbit wouldn't be busy. Mac slept and Linc only whined during the dragon sequence. He didn't understand the noise. He glanced at the screen through the seats while laying down. Other than that, he did fine. He also left Mac alone, which made me happy.  His behavior when it comes to loud noises is quite impressive.  He is staying calm and just shows some normal curiosity.  I am extremely proud of his progress.

Lincoln is currently in agility foundations again and advanced obedience.  In this class, we are working towards his Advanced Canine Good Citizen title.  His task training will become more intense after he is neutered and has his hip and elbow prelims.  His public access training is going extremely well.  As you have read, he went to multiple different museums, stores and got new experiences over New Years week.  

I also weighed him this week.  He is 55.5lbs at 9 months old.  He is still 22".  I am hoping that he grows one more inch, but his size is not a huge issue for counterbalance.  Once his OFA prelims are done, I will hopefully order his Bold Lead Designs basic harness to begin training in.

Lincolns trained tasks will include:

• Counterbalance
• Behavior interruption (pawing when picking at skin)
• Guide work (door, find car, find help)
• Deep pressure therapy (on legs)
• Pick up and retrieve items
• Body blocking
• Maybe brace when balance is off

For information on service dogs, please visit Service Dog Central.

Autism Diagnosis

I want to tell the story of how and why I was diagnosed autistic as an adult. When I was an infant, I was extremely quiet and didn't make sounds like other infants.  I didn't really coo or cry or try to speak.  I was non-verbal until I was 3 years old.  When I could sit up, I also began to stim.  A stim is when an autistic uses a physical action to stimulate them or get take them further into their fantasy world away from their surroundings.  It is a way to get away and cope with what is happening around you.  I had a very common stim, I rocked back and forth.  While my parents noticed this, once I began speaking, after working with a speech therapist, it was all forgotten.  I did stop rocking during the day, but I continued rocking back and forth in my bed while listening to my portable cd player (I'm 28 ok?). This would throw me into my fantasy world.  I stimmed like this until I was 18, almost 19 and went off to college.  This sort of stimming was very uncomfortable and difficult in a wooden loft.

Growing up, I never really had many friends.  I had two as a child who I would actually interact with outside of school.  But, as I got older, my friends stayed in school and the numbers dwindled.  I was always the strange girl.  Even in elementary school I would play alone on the playground.  Boys never chased me like the other girls, in fact, they were afraid of me.  I wasn't afraid to defend myself or someone else.

In middle school, I went through my first autistic burnout, but was diagnosed with depression instead of the doctor seeing the true cause of the burnout.  I could relate better to teachers than my own peers.  In high school much remained the same.  I was the strange girl who was even too strange for fine arts (yes, apparently this can occur). I didn't hang out with people out of school, I didn't have a boyfriend, etc.  My mom would often ask why I didn't call someone to go hang out with.  My answer was always the same, "When I'm out of school, it's me time." I knew I could only handle a certain amount of social interaction in 1 day.  I knew I was different.  At this time, my fantasy world was beginning to grow larger.

My freshman year of college I tried to fit it.  It was a new start for me.  Very few of my classmates who I had known since elementary school were there and it is a 30,000 student school.  It would be rare if I ever did see them.  I joined a sorority, but began suffering from my worse autistic burnout to date.  I shut down.  I locked myself in my bedroom at home during the summer and played Ultima Online 16 hours a day.  This continued that fall during the beginning of my sophomore year.  I was kicked out of my sorority and my grades suffered.  I was taken to a psychiatrist who had supposedly helped the son of a family friend.  Never trust those kinds of suggestions.  Dr. White heard about my fantasy world, my dissociations and my burnout.  The man diagnosed me ADD and depressed at 19.  I was put on antidepressants and that was that.  I refused to go see him again.

The psychiatrist did prescribe one thing and that was a dog.  That summer I got Mac, who is currently my service dog.  Mac has changed my life and is my best friend and constant companion.  I would not be here without him.  He saved me.

I stopped the antidepressants and went back onto Paxil.  I switched my major to theatre arts and realized that I was also too weird and distant for the major.  I felt like an outsider.  I also had 3 meltdowns publicly during classes.  I couldn't control the emotions and the anger.  I didn't know how to cope.

I graduated with my bachelors in theatre arts in 2009 and ran my own hand dyeing yarn business with my mom.  This sadly had to be shut down in 2012 due to burnout and the economy.

I moved back home and started a vet tech program.  I didn't fit in there either.  No matter how nice I was to people, I was an outcast.  I knew I had to find someone who would actually listen to me.  I was tired of knowing I am different, but not knowing why.  I wanted an explanation.  Finally, in 2013 I found that person.  I began seeing a psychologist.  He actually listened and understood what I was talking about.  I was finally diagnosed in September, 2013 as what is now formerly known as Aspergers.  I am on the Autistic Spectrum.  I finally understand my behavior, actions, fantasy world and burnouts.  I finally know why I am who I am and I am very proud of being an autistic.  This has always been a huge part of my life, but no one was willing to tell me why I was the way I was.

I am who I am.  I am autistic and I am proud.